“When did your childhood end? When did you start protecting or taking care of someone else? When did you stop being yourself and start filling a role?”
I recently came across this quote in Edith Eger's book 'The Gift' that has compelled me to reflect deeply on my life. The quote asks when our childhood ends, when we start prioritizing others over ourselves, and when we begin playing roles rather than being our authentic selves. These questions have challenged me to consider whether I've been true to myself and when was the last time I was unapologetically me. It's made me wonder which version of 'me' is the real me. Honestly, these are some of the most difficult questions I've had to grapple with in a long time.
As I reminisce, memories of playing sports with family on special occasions like Christmas and Easter, spending joyous moments with friends in fits of laughter, and proudly sharing my achievements and dreams flood my mind. But why does this seemingly carefree joy often get suppressed? Why do we push it aside to pursue the next goal or to become something or someone else?
In the midst of these reflections, I'm reminded of another powerful quote from Edith's book: 'The worst prison is not the one the Nazi's put me in, the worst prison is the one I built myself.' Have you ever found yourself meticulously planning every action to blend in, avoiding unwanted attention and the fear of judgment? It's a common experience to stifle our true selves, only to later regret not having the courage to be authentic. I've certainly been there too.
In 'The Gift,' Edith shares her incredible story of survival in concentration camps, her escape, and her journey to healing and freedom. She also describes the twelve most pervasive imprisoning beliefs she has encountered, such as fear, grief, anger, secrets, stress, guilt, shame, and avoidance. She offers tools to tackle these universal challenges.
One profound lesson I took away from the book is that 'generosity isn't generous if we chronically give it at the expense of ourselves.' Reading this book empowered me to extend the love and support I tirelessly offer to others to myself, to embrace my imperfections, and to be brave enough to be true to who I am. True freedom, as Edith teaches, lies in accepting our whole, imperfect selves and relinquishing the pursuit of perfection.
Finally, Edith reminds us that we weren't born with fear; we learned it. We are born to love and learn to hate. Our most significant lessons often come from our most challenging experiences, but to truly learn, we must be willing to fail while staying true to our authentic selves.
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